Been thinking about this a bit lately. This fascination, obsession, people have with this idea that without some preordained meaning or destiny, life is somehow less meaningful. When in fact, for me, it was the moment that I understood that life is just... life... that it became the most meaningful to me than it had ever before. Coming into the recognition that we are born, live, and die and that each breath we take is precious because there is but one life (that we are conscious of), not only made life feel like a true gift, but also gave me such a sense of freedom to let go. A sigh of letting go, if you will, into the true meaning of life. That is, inherently nothing. Not only is that not depressing to me, it is instead the most beautiful perspective and acknowledgement of life itself.

The best kind of gift is the unconditional kind. The best kind of love to give or receive is that which is given or received unconditionally. What is more unconditional, more free, than this life? The ability to make choices, without the ability to control the outcome. Truly anything can happen. And what is more freeing than knowing you don't have control, while also knowing you have the ability to navigate the whole way.

My least favorite saying is "this happened for a reason." No, it didn't. It happened because something else happened. And what is more beautiful, more satisfying, more fulfilling than that?

I understand the desire to attach meaning to life. We all give meaning to many aspects of life, we need it to feel ourselves grow and be connected and give life and feel feelings. But to assume that life itself inherently has a specific meaning, that is to grow the 'kingdom of god', is damning to the beauty and sacredness of life, of the soul. I accept and encourage each person to find their own meaning that enables them to live their most fulfilled life. But I will never accept those people who place their meaning on someone else's life.

Doesn't anyone ever wonder why it is that people 'come to god' when they are most down? When they have no one else to turn to? In their most desperate of times? Because it is in our most desperate of times when we have no one else to turn to, when we cannot explain the things that have happened, and we cannot rationalize the way we feel. It is at that point that something beyond us must take over, must give us a reason, must create a bridge to "rationalize" that which we cannot do on our own. That is the nature of life. I cannot say I will never get to that point. I cannot blame or shame those who get to that point. But I will never accept those people who place their meaning on someone else's life.

I am happy. Happier than I've ever been. Not because I feel fulfilled and satisfied every moment of my life, not because I've reached all the goals I've wanted to, and not because I've chosen a life of meaning that rests of the knowledge of an unconditional-loving being that is always by my side. Because I chose to be. Because I've reckoned with the way that things are and the dreams I have and the things I am able to control. I know what makes my soul sing, and I try make that happen as often as possible while finding new ways to make it happen, and surround myself with people who will do the same for themselves and for me.