I love my boyfriend. At 31, I've never said that so honestly to myself nor to anyone else. I've been thinking about it the last few weeks - love. Not really feeling like I was there yet. Close, perhaps, but not there. I was just happy to be where I was. And then this weekend happened. I don't even know what happened, it doesn't really seem like anything. But when he walked into our friend's house with that red button up and his hat on backwards and a big smile on his face - I just fell in love. I've seen him probably 125 days in the last 5 months and am almost always excited to see him, but something about it was just different. We usually go places together but he had a wake to attend after work so we decided to meet later. I saw him there, separate from me, and I was just so happy that he was my person. And later that night, when I got regrettably too drunk, he took care of me. In a way that I hadn't seen him do before. I was so vulnerable in that moment, drunk and needing him. And the next day I just saw him in a way that felt so loving and I looked at him in the morning and that was it for me. So happy to be with him, and also so terrified that I had something so big to lose.

And now it feels so real to me in a different way than it had before. I just love him. And I've never felt that before. And it's so great to feel it and to know it. But I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing!!!