I've got a lot to do today, but everyone is out and I have the whole afternoon to myself. So I'm taking a quick break.

saturday i met up with 2 great friends, and we spent a lot of time chatting about significant others and children and how we feel about our current life and next plans. both of them have significant others and are planning families with them, and they were talking about having children in a year so they could all grow up together. and they started talking about feeling behind because their friends are already married and having kids, and they're not sure what's going on with their careers, etc. and then my friend said something about getting old and she wants to start having babies soon before she's too old. and i felt totally crushed. heart broken. i am 2 years older than her. and no where near having kids. and i just felt so defeated and sad and alone in that moment. it wasn't her intention, and these moments i fear are only going to happen more and more. but i am becoming so much more aware of my current state than ever before and i hate it but i also don't want to ignore it. im sad today.