I finished Dawson's Creek today, and I cried. I kept hearing people talking about Dawson's Creek lately, the way that you seem to hear more and more about the things that are already on your mind, because you are simply noticing it. It all made me think about Ashanti. Not that I don't already think of him, but usually it's more fleeting. I've also been thinking lately, that perhaps I have had my big loves of my life. I know how I've felt about him, and others. It was real for me and maybe that's what I get. I mean, how many people do you really fall in love with? I'm tired of falling in and out of love with different people. I imagine a man of whom I am proud, and who I am proud to love. Who loves me in the ways I have experienced, and more. And while I think it must happen, at some point. I also think, it could not. I have experienced great loves, though maybe not as long as I expected or hoped for. I'm still hurting from him, I still hope he will show his face one day. But I know him too well for that.