The yoga and the beers

Oh my weekend. Yeah.

In yoga yesterday the instructor talked about vulnerability, often mentioned alongside mindfulness. It starts with being honest with yourself - very honest - and is something I started thinking about last year. When I asked myself in that moment what I was feeling, I thought: I am scared that I'll be alone, that I won't find love again, that I won't have a family; that I'll be alone. And that I don't think there is anything I can do about it. And then I thought, but everyone alone. All the time, or in moments, and sometimes I even like it. So what really is it? I know what it feels like to have experiences with someone you love, and connect in such a meaningful, different way. Losing that is like, utter crap. And getting it back is out of my control. Even last night, it wasn't enough that I was with friends, having a good time. I wanted more. I don't know what that is. But it's a thing.

I met a couple strangers this weekend, last night particularly peculiar. The drunken evening led to silly flirting and then this conversation. This conversation about our current lives about love and being in love and long term relationships and happiness and being scared and getting hurt and it was very personal and real and I almost cried. With this stranger I met 5 hours prior. And his situation, his story, it was helpful in a way. And in some way I felt like I shouldn't be there, we felt like confused drunk persons spilling our guts. But I also think I needed it.

Also Walmart sells boxed deep-fried twinkies. Gross.