I dislike how much my lady cycle is tied to my mood. I can get irritable and annoyed and maintain a general slight displeasure with all things in the world on some days with really no particular reason why. I can cry and feel alone and insecure without cause. It's quite a shame. And being aware of the fact that there is no real purpose behind these feelings can be frustrating. They are real feelings, and yet, they are not? How much weight should be attributed to them? I am in fact me, at all points regardless the time of the month. What's to say I'm a little more than or a little less than, me? I wonder what it's like to not have this differentiation (a kinder word than moodiness). 

Adam and I were talking last night for a moment about earnest music that expresses true thoughts and feelings in a simple and earnest way, and the difficulty in doing that in your own life. I've been guilty of that. It's challenging to admit that you feel scared and insecure, and even if you know you feel it, writing it down makes it real. Yet, it isn't the only thing I feel, nor the majority of what I feel. Mostly it is happiness and thankfulness and sort of that feeling of home that I feel (comfort). And then when I reflect on all the good things, I feel a twinge of scared shitless that it will suddenly disappear, followed by an understanding that that response is generated from past experience, and being scared that someone will not like me is some childish 14 year old girl response that only the ladies on the bachelor would cry to themselves about. Yet, I feel it. And at the same time I know these things just happen, regardless of what you do or say and I have no plan to do or say anything outside of me, mostly because I have no clue how to. Regardless, these are my thoughts. And sometimes I have 5 minutes where I am so scared shitless that I need a minute to step away and get myself together and remind myself to just have fun. But the truth is, I don't want a broken heart. And no matter how many times you do it, the risk never diminishes.