I decided to go to the later yoga this morning and be a little "late" to work. I really needed to get myself right, first. At one point during practice she said to us, essentially, all seasons of life bring different challenges or turns in the road, and it's us who absorb, grow, and take it all and learn to fly with it. Everything that happens in life, things that are put in front of us, we certainly don't have to fly, but wouldn't that be part of the essence of life?
I then got in my car and reluctantly drove down Mayfield, which has a stoplight every 100 feet for 10 miles, and turned on some music while immediately hating everyone in front of me going 20 mph. On came Gallant - Learn to Fly [Foo Fighers cover].
I have no idea what the lyrics to this song actually mean - that's the great thing about music, or art in general. You can make it mean what it means to you, and it can mean different things at different points in your life. I also don't really listen to Foo Fighters, but the cover is beautiful. [And hold your butts, cause Gallant is about to blow up. So good.]
How can I learn to fly?
I never really made goals until Brian. I made some here and there, but I was not as proactive about it. And to be honest, in combination with the few other things I've learned and started doing this summer, it has been one of the best things for me in many ways. It's a good balance and I am so thankful and inspired.
That being said, there are a couple things I would like to start doing for my spiritual / emotional side:
1. Stop saying, and eventually thinking, "should"
I've been thinking about this just over the last month and I think it's important for me, because I love to do what's right and be the best. This takes away from my creative, silly, and adventurous side of me that yearns to just be weird all the time. It's something that's been ingrained in me since my father told me as a kid all the things I should do to be good at this or that, to "earn" his favor and love. I'm noticing how often we all say "should" and I want to consciously change that. Instead of saying, "I should really work out today" - what about saying, "I'd like to work out today, but I'm really tired. I know if I do, I will feel better so I am going to; or I am going to take the night off." Why should you do anything? Think about why you think you should, and then really decide if you want to. And then do it, or don't. This is good for me, because it brings the decision back to me and why I want to, verses is just being something that seems like outside influences think I should do.
2. Learn what it means to be more vulnerable
I've been thinking about this one lately because when I look at my life and my friends and family, I have a small group of really good friends who I let myself go with but tend to keep other people at a safe distance for a good time before going deep. I am always myself, but I can hold back if I don't pay attention. And I don't want to. I know what my heart is capable of and that's a little bit scary. I have a ridiculous ability to love all people regardless of who they are or what they've done. It's stupid, really. I don't know how or why I can do it. It's painful at times and overwhelming. I just want to explore more about this vulnerability thing, and opening up my heart a little more to people.
3. Learn how to be less hard on myself
A born perfectionist and competitor, I want to be the best. I analyze every part of situations and projects to make my work delivered with precision. And when I don't want to do something, I do the bare minimum to still be impressive. Moreover, I want people to be impressed by me, so I can be proud of my work. It's a hard image to keep up and it only makes me feel bad about myself when not everyone is impressed. I want to let go of this. I have been over the course of the past few years. Some people probably don't even know this about me, as it comes out more at work and internally. My boss does a really good job of making me feel good about my work and telling me I can't be perfect at everything and that's OK. I want to learn how to have that voice within tell me that, that who I am right now is enough. I don't think I will ever stop wanting to learn and grow and explore - it's who I am. But for my own sake, I need to learn to be proud of who I am now, and not break myself down for what I am not yet.
So those are my things! Happy Tuesday!
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