Inspiration Tuesday

"Ne when bored probably over looks into things and gives themselves anxiety."

I was reading today about the differences between the INFJ and INFP personality types. I have identified with both in the past, and was curious to find that these two are often confused yet incredibly different. After an embarrassing amount of reading, I came to the end of an article that wrote:

Stereo-typically, INFJs like an absolute closer and answer. They hate open-ended things. So if you’ve ever felt “okay” with calling yourself INFX, or are interested in MBTI but told you people it doesn’t matter to you all that much finding out which you are- you are probably the more loose accepting INFP.

Okay, I must be an INFJ, then. Because I NEED to KNOW. But then I read...

Ne is all about entertaining all the possibilities. Ne is going to see both and still try to entertain both. Fi being very personal, is often able to see pieces of itself in multiple things in some form of light or aspect. It is quite likely (not definitively though) that you are an NFP if you feel adamant you relate to both.

Well crap. But then I read, "Ne when bored probably over looks into things and gives themselves anxiety." HA! And that's when I decided I just needed to stop. I have no clue what I am. I have no idea if I am emotionally aware - which probably means I am not. Or perhaps I am very emotionally aware yet I need validation of the perceived world to compare myself against. No clue. And guess what, I'm not going to try and figure it out today. Because if there's one thing I do know - sometimes I can research, and read, and research, and connect ideas... and still not KNOW unless I DO something. (That probably defines one of these types, but I don't care enough to look anymore.) All I really wanted to do was magically know which career would make me most happy. Is that a test?

Unfortunately, no. At least not for me. I think I learn how 'good' I am at something by comparing myself to how 'good' others are at it - simple childlike tactics. Thus, if I am not one of the best, I am not good at it. This has hindered me in many ways I'm sure. Sometimes I need people to tell me what I'm good at, because I can't necessarily see it myself - or let myself see it. Not sure which personality type that is either. Not sure it's healthy either. Am I self-aware if I know that I need others to tell me about me?

Instead of giving myself anxiety over this - over figuring out what type of person I am or which career will make me most happy or even, yes, which ice cream should I buy - I need to look out the window, watch the breeze move swiftly through the newly green trees, and accept that this is where I am now, today. I am curious, I am silly, and I am strong. I am open, I am patient, and I love without judgment. I am careful, I am spontaneous, and I am nothing and everything at once.

Listen to yourself speak. Listen when you are happy, listen when you are sad. Listen when you are so intrigued that you forget where you are and what time it is. Watch when you become tired, see what makes you feel lazy. Do more of one, and less of the other. Listen. To yourself, to others. If attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity - then be generous to yourself (and then to others). Give yourself that time to learn and heal and grow and feel life. And then help others to do the same. Be full!