Summer really crept up. Beneath the hours and hours of rain, the heat was brewing and now I find myself lazing in the warm, still evening air. It could be April and I wouldn't know the difference.

I feel a little misplaced lately. Perhaps it's the weather, which now that I think about it, has also been misplaced. Raining and 60 in June. I feel like I'm looking at my life, not living it. I exaggerate. My period always makes me moody.

The truth, though, is that I do feel like I'm in an odd space. Not yet the next thing, but hardly here. I can only partially see what could be out there, but it's not time yet. And time will move so fast that I'll be saying these same words about the next thing in only a matter of moments. I'm scared. Of making choices that don't bring me happiness. Of foolishly living in idealism. Of not knowing myself, or rather, trusting myself, as I change. Because I feel myself changing and that scares me too. I want things to change, I feel antsy for them. For all the things I want to do, feel, achieve, and be. But as they do, I see this picture of myself, the person I once knew so well, getting further and further away. I'm scared to change so much that I don't know myself, and yet I'm scared to not change at all.

I miss yoga. I feel like there are just things that I miss, and I don't even know what they are. Some days I just long for stillness. For space to sit with all the thoughts and fears and excitements running amok in my brain so they don't hit me all at once so blindly and so my brain can just... wander.