While Anastasia and I stood in line for four hours yesterday - between rants of 'don't cut me you prick' and bursts of tears of despair - we talked about our top 3 best and worst things that happened this year. I said #1 was Ireland for best and Grandma dying for worst and we agreed this weekend definitely made the top three. I can't explain why it was so great but damn. Every moment was amazing: Things, BK, brunch, golfing, sake bombs, Bua, walks home, bagels, rock climbing, pretty eyes, countdowns to midnight, tall people, and drunk people. Our crew was perfection and our personalities fun and sincere and silly and interesting. I was drunk 3 nights in a row - probably the only time in 2012. I'm genuinely sad it is over and feel both a longing for more times like that and a thankfulness that there are still people/friends I can be with that make me so happy. I can't remember the last time I had a group that was mine and was so satisfied to always be around. If I reflect for a moment, so many things changed this past year and they all seem pretty muddled and strange and far away.

I was motivated this weekend to listen to Ellie Goulding's recent album and it is beautiful and heartfelt. I feel lost without things like this in my life.

I feel encouraged. I feel like I both gained something, and lost something this weekend.