right now, the thought of starting a new week yet again makes me feel helpless and down. im not sure i can handle the thought of waiting for the weekend - just so im not forced to mingle with people i dont want to and fake how i feel. just want to be in my safe home, listening to the rain, letting time pass. im not myself, and have little effort to be. at the moment. must heal, but this city forces me to keep moving. gotta take it day by day.

additionally, for some reason ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about him with other people, him having a good time doing things we did, him being interested in other girls and its not the greatest. and then theres all the typical you mean nothing to him compared to the other girls and hes not thinking about you and all the other insecure thoughts are creeping into my head and i have to force myself to stop. mental preparation & training, perhaps. should i toughen up and get myself together or allow myself to think on the things i loved and the feeling of his arms around me..

ugh. its over. isnt that enough?

on top of that, started to get my asthma when working out today LAME why