ive been having my crazy dreams lately, and i welcome it. it feels more like myself, i feel more like myself. i also enjoy running around central park at night, its a glorious feeling. i feel small in the big world, but big inside me.

dumb

10. Kansas: illegal to screech your tires.
9. Eureka, California: unlawful to sleep in any public space.
8. Fort Thomas, Kentucky: illegal for your pet to “molest” a vehicle.
7. South Berwick, Maine: illegal to park in front of the Dunkin Donuts.
6. Rockville, Maryland: illegal to swear within earshot of other people. Even if you’re in your car. (this would be a huge problem in nyc)
5. Minnetonka, Minnesota: illegal for your vehicle to be dirty.
4. Sag Harbor, New York: illegal to take your clothes off in your car. (i do this a lot..)
3. Canton, Ohio: illegal to roller skate in the street.
2. Oregon: illegal to leave a vehicle door open on the side of traffic, pedestrians or bicycles “for a period of time longer than necessary to load or unload passengers.”
1. Hilton Head, South Carolina: illegal to store trash in your car.

this seems an awful lot like unnecessary parenting.

http://autos.yahoo.com/articles/autos_content_landing_pages/1792/weird-traffic-laws/

"You're never fully prepared. You never really arrive. The best you can do is to keep painting the walls to suit your new circumstances."

new shoes

now i just need somewhere to wear them.

The top 10 everyday niggles and passion-killers:
1. Weight gain/lack of exercise, 13%
2. Money & Spend thriftiness, 11%
3. Anti-social working hours, 10%
4. Hygiene issues (personal cleanliness), 9%
5. In-Laws/extended family - too much/too little, 9%
6. Lack of romance (sex, treats etc.), 8%
7. Alcohol - drinking too much, 7%
8. Snoring & anti social bedtime habits, 6%
9. Lapsed fashion-Same old underwear/clothes, 4%
10. Bathroom habits - Stray nail cuttings etc., 4%

interesting.

its amazing what a small prospect of a positive change (combined with a little caffeine) can do for the spirit.

right now, the thought of starting a new week yet again makes me feel helpless and down. im not sure i can handle the thought of waiting for the weekend - just so im not forced to mingle with people i dont want to and fake how i feel. just want to be in my safe home, listening to the rain, letting time pass. im not myself, and have little effort to be. at the moment. must heal, but this city forces me to keep moving. gotta take it day by day.

additionally, for some reason ive gotten to the point where i keep thinking about him with other people, him having a good time doing things we did, him being interested in other girls and its not the greatest. and then theres all the typical you mean nothing to him compared to the other girls and hes not thinking about you and all the other insecure thoughts are creeping into my head and i have to force myself to stop. mental preparation & training, perhaps. should i toughen up and get myself together or allow myself to think on the things i loved and the feeling of his arms around me..

ugh. its over. isnt that enough?

on top of that, started to get my asthma when working out today LAME why

:( i hope no one says anything mean to me today cause i might collapse. too weak today. hearts a bit broken, thoughts are too heavy.