What?... Ah okay.

"Life Is Not Like The Movies, except for some of them, like documentaries, but even those can be edited into traditional narrative arcs and skewed by a director’s bias. Some of the types of people that Americans typically want to be are Stable And Satisfied In A Stable Relationship, Talented, Driven, Sexy, Cultured, Intelligent, Alpha, Young And Successful, Winning, and more. The types of people the vast majority of Americans are are Trying To Be Stable And Satisfied In A Satisfied Relationship, Trying To Be Talented, Trying To Be Driven, Trying To Be Sexy, Trying To Be Cultured, Trying To Be Intelligent, Trying To Be Alpha, Trying To Be Young And Successful, Trying To Be Winning, and Trying to be more. The movie character Daniel Plainview is more real of a person than I will ever be. It is thought that having an awareness of self at the level of consciously knowing you’re Trying To Be [Identity] brings with it a level of self-doubt and self-monitoring that will, ironically, indefinitely, prevent you from earnestly ever becoming [Identity]. It is thought that having an awareness of self at the level of consciously knowing you’re Trying To Be [Identity] will forever mutilate the Meaning that Authentic People allegedly use to perpetuate their authenticity into ‘merely’ an experience of pride or shame stemming from the judgement that you have successfully or unsuccessfully been a desired [Identity] (rather than an experience of uninhibited meaning an [Identity] allegedly feels)..."

--http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/no-ones-real-anymore/

in my few years ive learned its better not to make decisions based on possible outcomes. i must say sir, youve left me speechless in ways ive yet to discover. all i can say is, coming home to east 95th gave me more air than ever before. kinda scares me. i spend half my time thinking about what could have been, and the other half thinking its just as well. all i can do is be me, with love in my soul and openness in my heart.

"i love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

--Ernest Hemingway

stressful week, happy for friday. even more happy for christmastime. im having the loveliest evening with tranquil christmas music while cozying on my couch.

below: poor pup + perfect celebration

i think im pretty sure what i want is to live on a big piece of land. and to take care of the house, the land, and the children. all while reading a lot. also, and im sorry but.. eating DQ. i can live for that, in a big way. i think.. yeah.. that might be my dream. after a couple years of travel. or! all the while. whatever suits us.

maybe with a little huskie, and some other tiny collie mix.

all i need in life is a good soul, a good story, and a little sunshine.