where does milk come from?

a coworker/friend was telling me today about her on/off again boyfriend and his new relationship. its weird to stop and think about the relationships under my belt - i never really do. ive had some interesting experiences there. really interesting. in retrospect it seems normal to have such apprehension and aversion to having romantic feelings towards anyone at all.

i have so much to do before may 15th. my brain is all over the place. but i think im having a good time.

im not sure what this says about me:

but lately all ive been listening to is:

Citizen Cope ft. Santana - Sideways
B.o.B - Nothing On You
Sade - By Your Side
Punch Brothers - Reptilia (Strokes cover)
very bizarre mix. but i like.

so broke until i move. so broke. just want to move now.

slightly disoriented

i find myself all too often going half way to get half of what i want - not awesome. maybe im too guarded. i feel there are only a few moments when someone can actually see me all the way. mostly because there are only a few moments when i can actually see me all the way. oh to share that with someone. whether youre emotionally involved or not - lets face it, rejection is the pits.

why so formal?

windsurfing nation

its been quite a week indeed and i would love only to be up there doing that. lots of work, but lots of things getting done too. good good. we broke our apartment search ribbon this evening with a little dig on 95th and park - which i approve of mostly aside from the commute change. im eager to continue! and michigan! 3 weeks! what a curious, curious thing that may be.

but back to that photo. if only.

things that are unappreciated

facts:
i liked this weekend. full of walking, good company, and new places. parks at night, late night movies, chinatown, brooklyn bridge, and so on. it was different, relaxing. exploring a bit. no crazies. and sunny, nice.

feelings:
sometimes i like someone. and i show it. but every time i do that i end up feeling like a lunatic. somehow. i detest that feeling. thus, im retracting, deflecting. once more. proactive business is risky business and my hearts not into danger at the moment.

futures:
at least ive finished my taxes. this week could be anything.

symphonies

i would really love this right now:

shoyoass

tonight was:

rooftop
photography
blueberry beer
heidi
summer breeze

the rest of the day was kinda a piece of shit but the night made up for it. i have other things but i dont feel like typing right now.

bizarre

this weekend was something to remember. i got physically assaulted by a random angry girl. then found myself damned-if-you-do/dont emotionally. it all left me feeling quite helpless - and quite literally beat down. which is both frustrating and freeing. despite these peculiar incidents, i actually enjoyed my weekend. it felt long and warm and lovely. with good company. but now my thoughts have moved to the unusual longevity of this coming work week. and im the kind of sleepy only the sun brings and i love it.